The Lowdown on Living Together from a Real Couple!

To gain more insight on the topic of living together as a couple, we interviewed Josh and Jackie, a couple who have been living together for approximately four years. They’ve been dating for a little more than six years and have rented apartments in Hamilton and Toronto. They ended up moving to Toronto from Hamilton after Jackie was accepted to the University of Toronto (UofT).  Josh is a full-time barista/manager at a coffee shop within walking distance of their 650 square foot home in Toronto, and Jackie is a PhD Candidate in the Chemical & Biomedical Engineering Department at UofT. With two dramatically different daily lives and the experience of living in two major Ontario cities, they are the perfect couple to interview about cohabitation!

NIH: When moving downtown Toronto, how did you decide on your neighbourhood? What do you like most about it?

Jackie: When we were first looking for a place, Josh was still working in Brampton, so we needed to be close to Union. I also wanted to be close to UofT so I didn't have to rely on transit.

Josh: We’ve got King West for food, Queen West for shopping, a market during the summer at David Pecault Square, the Lightbox across the street, and the island ferry a walk away. It’s pretty close to just about anything we’d want to do, and St. Andrew Station is a couple minutes away if we need to go far.

King Street West in Toronto

NIH: What were some challenges you faced when moving in together for the first time? How did you overcome them?

Jackie: We had kind of a gradual move-in, which I think made it easier to adjust. In my last year of Undergrad, I was living with one roommate and Josh was working in Hamilton, but still technically living in Oakville. The result was that he stayed with us most nights when he was working the next day, and that slowly turned into him staying over whether he was working or not. I think one of the biggest challenges I faced was sharing space and not being able to control everything about my environment. I had to move some of my stuff around so that he could move his stuff in, and that was hard for me.

Josh: Having just come off being a student, and with Jack still being a student, it’s not like I had loads of stuff to move in. And I was working at a snowboard shop at the time, which matched up pretty well with Jack’s student hours, so no wildly conflicting schedules.

NIH: What kind of compromises, if any, did you make?

Jackie: When you move in with someone, being aware of their schedule and their habits becomes more important than before. Having people over late if one of us is working early the next day is something we try to avoid, and knowing when the other is not in a partying mood can help us avoid upsetting each other. I think it's just important that both of you make an effort to show the other that you care and make an effort to do what they want when you can.

Josh: I feel like as far as move-ins go, mine was relatively compromise free. We’d been together for some time before, and I spent a lot of time there before moving in, so I was probably pre-conditioned to how things would be.

St. Lawrence Market in Toronto

NIH: What's your favourite piece of furniture you purchased together? Where did you get it?

Jackie: My favourite piece of furniture we purchased together would have to be a reclaimed wood bar that we found at the Sunday antique market at the St. Lawrence Market. It's just such a cool piece and it always makes me remember fondly how we (with the much appreciated help of some close friends) rolled it all the way from St. Lawrence to our apartment on a hot September day to avoid renting a truck.

Josh: I agree. The reclaimed wood and pipe handles, it’s pretty simple, but also the first piece of furniture I’ve put money into that would fit into a style I want to decorate an entire place with.

NIH: Which person has had more say in the decor? How would you describe your decor style?

Jackie: Probably me. Hard as I try to let Josh make some of the decor decisions, I think I usually end up making them for us. Something I need to work on. I'd describe my decor preferences as modern, industrial and slightly inspired by the art nouveau style.

Josh: Jack has had more say for sure. As for my style, I’m still trying to work it out. I dig modern minimalism, but neutral toned everything seems like it would get tiresome. Also hard to reconcile with my love of wood everything. I’ll make up a genre to describe it...minimalist coureur du bois. Lots of darker wood, lots of glass, metal accents. That’s probably why Jack has more say, my style isn’t nailed down, and also exceeds my budget.

NIH: What would you say has been the most important home purchase you've made together?

Jackie: Our TV, which was our Christmas gift to ourselves the first year we were in Toronto. It was a big purchase, but definitely worth it. My favourite part of the day is coming home to cuddle on our couch while eating dinner and watching something.

Josh: Again, I agree. My schedule is pretty all over the place, so dinner is usually the only meal we can count on having together, and since we have no kitchen table, we eat in front of the TV.  Might as well turn the dial on that time together to 11.

Photo taken by Josh from their Hamilton balcony

NIH: You used to live in Hamilton together. Which city do you like more? Why?

Jackie: Toronto is an awesome city. You just have to be willing to pay through the nose to experience it. We have our favourite restaurants (like Pai, Gusto 101, and Weslodge) within blocks of our apartment, and there are always new neighbourhoods to explore. There are so many different things to see and do that it's hard to decide where you want to spend the precious little money you have left over after paying rent. Hamilton is bursting with potential. There are so many little areas scattered throughout it that are so neat, but haven't been discovered by most who just visit. To really get a feel for Hamilton, you have to live there. The farmer's market, Locke Street, Dundas Valley, Cootes, John Street North and Westdale were some of our favourite haunts. Hamilton is also much cheaper to live in (we are paying almost exactly twice the rent for half the space in Toronto now), and definitely has much more green space and a friendlier feel. If I had to choose, I'd probably say Hamilton is the city I like more.

Jackie at the waterfalls in Hamilton

Josh: I love Hamilton. They’re different cities each with their clear pros and cons. Toronto rallies hard though, scoring big points for walkability and just the sheer amount of things to do. I’m not going to tell you the Hammer has as many options in any given sub-genre of ‘things to do’, but it’s gotten to the point where there are easily enough high quality cafés, restaurants, and shops to go around. And with roughly a quarter the population, you’re fighting less people for a seat.  We had a car in Hamilton because parking was free, which made getting around a lot easier. If we’d had to rely on transit we may not have spent as much time in Dundas, or exploring all the waterfalls in the city (waterfall capital of North America, who knew?). Toronto also made me into a pretty rabid cyclist, which I’m thankful for. I can bike pretty much anywhere in the city faster than TTC will get me there. Toronto vs Hamilton to me boils down to established big city (with all the good and bad that comes with it) vs up-and-coming city (where I’m willing to overlook some shortcomings because there’s room to grow). I feel obligated to end by saying Hamilton doesn’t smell like a steel mill, and anyone who claims otherwise is lying to you. Once the all day GO Train service starts up this summer, I’ll be visiting my old ‘hood a lot more, and I hope more Torontonians will come visit and form their own opinions.

NIH: If you were to buy a new home, where would you move and what would you buy?

Jackie: Probably Hamilton/Burlington area, though we've also been dreaming of Vancouver, but I'm not sure I could move that far away from my family. I visit them a lot in Oakville and would miss them dearly, but at the same time, there would be lots of things to distract me in Vancouver like hiking and biking and camping.

Josh: This question keeps me up at night. Hamilton calls to me with its low costs and the excitement of getting in before it gets big. I love Vancouver for the ocean and the endless nature, but it’s expensive, too. I’m hoping I can get my Italian citizenship through my dad, which would open up EU options. Depends on Jack’s career prospects though, her biomedical engineering field is probably biggest in Toronto, Vancouver, and the States. As for condo vs house, condo if it’s in a city Toronto sized or bigger, house if it’s smaller.

Josh suggests going on a long trip for a couple weeks to get to know each other more before moving in

NIH: Do you have any words of wisdom for all the couples out there who are thinking of moving in together for the first time?

Jackie: Not everything will be as you want it to be, and you will have to learn to accept that. There will be things that they do that will irritate you (like not cleaning as thoroughly as you'd like), but keep in mind that you probably do just as many things that irritate them (like picking at your nails). You will not agree on everything, but that can lead to better decisions in the end. See it as an opportunity to grow yourself and your relationship. Good luck!

Josh: Spend lots of time together beforehand. Even better, go on vacation for a couple weeks together. Beach destinations don’t count. And don’t hold back about being you while doing your trial live-in or vacation. Which isn’t to say you get everything your way, just that you should make your preferences known while making your compromises. The point is to get a glimpse of parts of the other person’s lifestyle and personality that you don’t see when you’re not going home to the same place, and to see if the new lifestyle you build together is something you can genuinely get behind. If you hide issues up front, you’ll just have to deal with them later.

Big thanks go out to Josh and Jackie for participating in our interview. We learned a lot about living together, and we hope you did, too! For more information on new affordable homes for couples in Toronto, click here!