HALLOWEEN SPECIAL: The Disappearance of Joe

Each day, Joe would wake, shaking in bed, a cold sweat running down his neck, hands clammy. The idea of transformation, growth, and development haunted his dreams.  He felt as if he were being chased from his home, forced into an unknown world, full of obstacles and eyesores - disfigurements on the vibrant landscape he once loved, and quickly, that love became fear, then that fear turned to hatred.

Joe Nimby had a good life, a normal one, with a condo unit on the 16th floor across from a park, and even a girlfriend in his own building - but still his fear of change weighed him down.  It wasn’t until the day a 30-storey condo was proposed for the site across the street that he finally snapped.  Joe read the news on the HomesAndCondosBlog (which he checked every morning to make sure there were no new developments in his area), and wicked thoughts filled his mind:

“My view! Only half the park will be visible...I won’t even see the lake...I’ll have to cross the street twice to avoid the construction...the noise will keep me up at night...traffic is going to be awful...my condo will depreciate in value...shadowing...shadowing...SHADOWING!”

Joe panicked, he didn’t know what to do.  How dare the City allow for a condo right across from his! He turned to the obvious solution, Facebook.  After a few easy steps, the “Save the Park” Facebook page was born.  People suffering from the same affliction as Joe Nimby quickly congregated, and as their numbers grew, their power became more and more influential, and eventually the process of developing the condo was delayed weeks, then months, then a year, then years. Joe was winning, or at least he thought he was.

Then, one crisp evening in October, Joe sat alone in his 500 square foot condo (his girlfriend had left him because of his obsession with preventing development near his home), basking in the light of his “victories” at the countless community meetings he had lead over the past few years, and he experienced a life altering epiphany - he hates the city.  Joe Nimby couldn’t understand why he stayed for so long, or why he even moved there in the first place! “Why, oh why did I choose to live in the fastest growing city in the country if I fear change so passionately?!” he cried. “I have money, I have skills, I can work or live anywhere! Why, why am I here?! So... much... time...wasted.”

The moon descended, and the sun rose. The name “Joe Nimby” disappeared from the Administrators list on the “Save the Park” Facebook page, and his condo unit was mysteriously listed for sale the following week.  Joe Nimby was never heard from again.  Some say he purchased a new home in the suburbs, some say he moved to the 58th floor of his building so he could see clear over the tower proposed for across the street.

This tale may be fraught with horror, sleepless nights, and even some hyperbole, but the grief suffered by Joe Nimby is no laughing matter and should always be treated seriously.