The First Step in Cohabitation: Combining Furniture

Couples considering taking the plunge into cohabitation may be excited about the prospect of sharing the bills and the bed, but how do you combine two entire lives? Two sets of furniture? Two different decorating styles? Which couch do you keep? Whose kitchen table makes the cut? How do you gently tell your partner that their Star Wars figurine collection will not be featured prominently in the living room?

Moving in together comes with a host of challenges; creating an entirely new living environment, making important decisions together, and managing finances as a couple. However, the first challenge of cohabitation is finding a way to make a living space feel like it belongs equally to each partner. Every couple must go through the process of deciding what to bring, what to leave behind, and how to combine furniture in a way that pleases both partners and tells your story. This process involves a great deal of compromise, open mindedness, and patience. The best way to get started is by setting and managing expectations prior to the big moving day. Arguments will arise, but getting on the same page beforehand will ensure that these fights resemble adult conversations rather than epic meltdowns.

The first step in this process is to decide what will come to the new space and what will be left behind. This is a huge task but ultimately worthwhile. While sorting through your inventory of possessions, take a minimalist approach and assess the value of every object you intend to bring to your shared living space. If you or your partner has hoarding tendencies, consider taking the 30-day Minimalist Challenge together. Essentially the challenge encourages individuals to eliminate excess clutter by getting rid of one item on the first day, two items on the second day, three items on the third day, and so on. If you’re committed to the task, this project will force you to seriously consider what items truly have meaning and value, and which ones are simply cluttering your living space. By simplifying and reducing your belongings prior to cohabitation, you will create the conditions for a calmer and more organized moving day, and reduce the amount of physical and emotional baggage you bring to your new space.

Compromise is one of the obvious but extremely important components of cohabitation, and essential in finding ways to accept your partner’s requests while also making room to address something important to you. For example, Houzz recommends that if you aren’t particularly picky about the electronics in the home, but care deeply about the furniture it sits on, then the best path is to “divide and conquer.” Bring your beloved vintage tv stand, but let your partner put their treasured HD television on top of it. If your partner is moving into a space you’ve already been inhabiting for some time, be prepared to make some serious compromises. Do not expect to keep your apartment the way it is, and allow your partner some room to make it feel like their home too. It might be stressful and overwhelming to welcome such dramatic change into your everyday living space, but if you both discuss strategies for incorporating new furniture and belongings into your new home from the get-go, things will go much smoother.

Patience is another obvious but key quality to keep in mind during the moving process. Don’t expect the new space to be perfect for both parties overnight. It is unrealistic to assume that your home will be organized exactly to each partner’s liking in the first week. The most important part of moving in together is making sure the space feels comfortable and relaxing for both parties. Spend some time rearranging the furniture a few times over the first few months until you find the right balance and a fit that works for both partners. Or, try living with your partner’s weird table for a month, and leave some time for a moment of creativity or inspiration to strike. It might actually look great in the right spot in your home. As they always say, you don’t know until you try.

In the midst of all this compromise and shared space, it is important to remember to designate small areas in the home that are completely yours. Having control over a small portion of the home or apartment can create a little oasis in a space where everything is shared.  A good location for this personal space is the bedside table. This area is within reach of the bed, a space where you should feel completely relaxed, and also small enough that it won’t overtake the entire room. Use this space to place objects and add flourishes that may not suit your partner, like that vase you inherited from your grandmother, a book you absolutely can’t live without, or the figurine your partner would prefer you not display on the bookshelf in the living room.

Perhaps one of the most important nuggets of advice also comes from Houzz - “don’t confuse relationship issues with design dilemmas.” Arguing about ultimately trivial things like whose couch is uglier or which bedspread is coming to the new space shouldn’t degenerate into an ugly fight about deeper relationship issues. Remember that these are just objects and at the end of the day your relationship and mutual respect is more important than that ugly “vintage” lamp your partner insists on bringing to the new house. Though some of these tips may seem obvious, they can be easily forgotten amid the stress that comes with moving. Ultimately, the goal should be to create a home that becomes “a combination of likes working together to create a whole home.”